As a result, they tend to experience turbulent relationships. Only a licensed professional can diagnose borderline personality disorder. They include:. Not every person with borderline personality disorder will exhibit all of these behaviors. Behaviors may also come and go depending on the triggers, making a clinical diagnosis difficult. Borderline personality disorder is a mental illness, and people who suffer from it can be, and often are, kindhearted and loving. While the origin of borderline personality disorder is not fully known or understood, experts speculate it arises from a combination of genetic, environmental, and cognitive factors.
Childhood trauma, such as sexual or physical abuse and neglect from parents, can also put individuals at an increased risk of developing borderline personality disorder. Furthermore, there may be a neurological factor involved in borderline personality disorder, as sufferers lack the ability to regulate their emotions, a task performed by parts of the brain.
Another common misconception is that borderline personality disorder is permanent. The reason? Once they gain the motivation to change, they can apply the energy formerly reserved for chaos to personal growth. Dialectical behavioral therapy DBT can facilitate this outcome. Unlike traditional talk therapy, which is more about processing feelings, Gilbert explains that DBT is a mix of cognitive behavioral therapy CBT and mindfulness.
DBT targets the thought processes and behaviors common to a person with borderline personality disorder. Those moments are what the person longs for. Still, to Paddy, it is worth it. But it is nowhere near as hard as being the one with BPD. My girlfriend is not a burden, her BPD is. For most, it may hold little that feels inspirational. Hearing someone else share your struggles and negotiate the realities of the illness can be both comforting and illuminating.
Borderline Personality Disorder is a chronic and complex mental health disorder marked by instability, and interpersonal relationships are often the stage on which this instability plays out.
Barbara Greenberg , a clinical psychologist who treats patients with BPD, explains:. Often, this emptiness and intense fear of abandonment are the result of early childhood trauma and the absence of secure, healthy attachments in the vital formative years.
Paradoxically, the overwhelming fear manifests in behaviors that deeply disrupt the relationship and pushes partners away rather than pulls them closer, resulting in a stormy and tumultuous dynamic that typically emerges in the early days of dating.
When they are in relationships they get very intensely involved way too quickly. Everything is done with passion, but it goes from being very happy and passionate to very disappointed and rageful.
Prior to her diagnosis, her boyfriend, Thomas, used to blame himself for her hot and cold behavior. Although each person has their own unique experience, these are some common thought patterns people with BPD tend to have:.
Nobody cares about me as much as I care about them, so I always lose everyone I care about—despite the desperate things I try to do to stop them from leaving me. These thoughts may be completely at odds with your own perception of your partner, but it is imperative to understand that for them, they are very real, and can drive them toward extreme and seemingly irrational behavior.
Navigating through this emotional minefield can be difficult and painful for both of you, but knowing that their thoughts and behaviors are the product of intensely powerful perceptional distortions deeply rooted in their mental health disorder, rather than a reflection of your own shortcomings, can bring some comfort.
If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call For more mental health resources, see our National Helpline Database. Research has confirmed that people with BPD tend to have very stormy romantic relationships characterized by a great deal of tumult and dysfunction. In addition, research has also shown that BPD symptoms are associated with a greater number of romantic relationships over time, and a higher incidence of unplanned pregnancies in women.
This suggests that romantic relationships with people with BPD are more likely to end in a breakup. Finally, in terms of sex, research has shown that women with BPD have more negative attitudes about sex, are more likely to feel pressured into having sex with their partner, and are more ambivalent about sex than women without BPD.
Given all the difficulties that exist in BPD relationships, why would anyone start a relationship with someone with the disorder?
Often they have many positive qualities that can make them great romantic partners some of the time. Furthermore, many people who have been in a romantic relationship with someone with BPD talk about how fun, exciting, and passionate a BPD partner can be.
Many people are drawn to a BPD partner precisely because people with BPD have intense emotions and a strong desire for intimacy. Most BPD relationships go through a honeymoon period. This honeymoon period can be very exciting for the new partner too. After all, it's really nice to have someone feel so strongly about you and to feel as if you are needed.
Problems start to arise, however, when reality sets in. When a person with BPD realizes that her new partner is not faultless, that image of the perfect idealized soul mate can come crashing down.
Because people with BPD struggle with dichotomous thinking , or seeing things only in black and white, they can have trouble recognizing the fact that most people make mistakes even when they mean well. As a result, people with BPD may quickly go from idealization to devaluation —or thinking that their partner is a horrible person.
The key to maintaining a relationship with someone with BPD is to find ways to cope with these cycles and to encourage your BPD partner to get professional help to reduce these cycles. Sometimes partners in BPD relationships are helped by couples therapy. In addition to couples therapy, for the person with BPD, there are therapies that have been shown to be effective in terms of helping with relationships:. Many issues may arise when a BPD relationship is ending. Because people with BPD have an intense fear of abandonment, a breakup can leave them feeling absolutely desperate and devastated.
Even if a relationship is unhealthy, a person with BPD can often have trouble letting the relationship go. This is particularly true of long-term partnerships or marriages. This is why it's a good idea to have a support network for you and partner, especially if a break-up may occur, and this network often includes a mental health professional. On a positive and final note, please remember that the prognosis for BPD is good. Paranoid personality disorder PPD is characterized by intense mistrust and suspicion of others.
Learn about similar disorders, diagnosis, treatment…. Having quiet Borderline Personality Disorder BPD means that you direct mood swings and behaviors inward, rather than directing them towards others…. Everyone behaves impulsively sometimes. Most of the time, we can work to limit those behaviors on our own. Sometimes, impulsive behavior is part of an…. Health Conditions Discover Plan Connect. Medically reviewed by Timothy J.
Legg, Ph. What is borderline personality disorder? What if you are in a relationship with someone with BPD? How BPD affects your relationships if you have it. Making a relationship work when one of you has BPD. Outlook for relationship. Read this next. Obsessive Love Disorder. Personality Disorder.
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